It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
