I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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