I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
