Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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