if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
