im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize