I think I died a long time ago.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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