She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i came on her dog
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
