What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
