You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
