You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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