Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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