I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I deserve this hangover.
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