woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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