I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
