I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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