I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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