I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
