Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
