"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
