She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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