you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
