She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Vodka?
Forever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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