I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
