She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
