Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
