sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
