Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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