when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
