she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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