Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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