Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
