So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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