I will die if light touches me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
