just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize