clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
