Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
