Just fell off a train. Bad.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize