The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
