I hate all girls vehemently.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
