Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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