So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
