I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
