How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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