Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
