yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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