I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
