Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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