Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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