As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
