Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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