he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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