dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize