I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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