Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
