I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
