I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
