i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I want a musical about memes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
