Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
