i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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