He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
