Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
