one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
