yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
