Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
