Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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