remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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