My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
