I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just gargled with NyQuil
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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