And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
