you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have aggressive nipples.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
