I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
