I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
