He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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