my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
