walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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