Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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