its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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