My room smells like vodka and shame
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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