i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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